Catherine | L'Emmèredeuse
When you decide to have a baby, you only tend to focus on the cute moments you’ll have together: the snuggly naps you’ll take, the feel of their chubby little hands, the smooches you’ll give them, the first “I love you’s”…
And yet motherhood is filled with many, many other moments. Moments that are just so “out there.” Moments that’ll make you laugh… after the fact. Moments that you’ve seen in movies but never thought you’d experience day in day out.
Things that even the best parenting advice in the world can’t prepare you for, and that (too) often involve bodily fluids.
As a mom, I can tell you that I’ve had sneezes land in my eyes, and on the back of my neck (while I was driving).
I’ve found myself removing dried boogers from my hair while stuck in traffic on Highway 15—a side effect of spending a whole night sleeping next to a sick baby.
I’ve found cereal in the kitty litter, and cat poo in the toy box.
I’ve had to clean things off the side of the tub that should ONLY ever belong in a toilet.
Before becoming a mom, I never thought I’d see the day that my 5-year-old—now going to the bathroom alone—should douse the place with so much “odour eliminator” spray… that I would slip on the wet floor, and… fall onto his unflushed ‘number two.’
There are also times when you think you might lose your mind.
I’ve stopped counting the number of times I’ve had hallucinations of a baby crying at work—because I’ve heard the sound of mine crying his lungs out so often.
I’ve had to defuse 10-minute-long tantrums because socks were “too hard to take off,” or because my son wanted mustard in his juice.
Recently, I had to chase my two-year-old down a bowling lane. On a Saturday night. While the judgy senior citizens’ league looked on.
Another time, my son came back from school, and emptied his pockets—full of sand—out onto our new couch. He was looking at me dead in the eyes when he did it.
There are also times when you feel you’re living out an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Like when, at our daycare graduation ceremony, the woman next to me pointed to my son, who was seated at the front, and said: “That child—it’s ridiculous—his bum is always on display.”
Last summer, the dog was yanking at my son’s swimsuit. My son was shouting and running around the yard. Butt naked. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t get myself to help him.
Being a mom is all those things rolled into one. It’s silly to think that motherhood is this perfectly wonderful experience… It’s dotted with these wild and wacky moments that test you—but that ultimately make you glad you’re a mom. So much so that one day you’ll likely say: “Remember when… those were the good ol’days.”